The Gran Show, Bristol Old Vic Day 2
I am so excited today. SO EXCITED.
Things to keep from today: Pearls, Hoovering and Wedding, the use of photographs and back projection (if possible).
Things I realised: Maybe the repetitive nature of re-remembering or re-performing people is a way to come to terms with the loss of them.
‘Freud reported observing a child throw his favourite toy from his crib, become upset at the loss, then reel the toy back in, only to repeat this action. Freud theorized that the child was attempting to master the sensation of loss. Freud noted in 1914 that a patient, exploring in therapy a repressed past, ‘is obliged to repeat the repressed material as a contemporary experience instead of…remembering it as something belonging to the past’ (wikipedia)
Maybe re-performing the dead is a way to try and master a sense of loss, a sense of grief but, in fact, ultimately perpetuates it as past becomes contemporary experience through repetition or re-performance. Maybe the real loss will only begin when I stop performing and/or remembering her. Or through the repetition and revisiting of this material will mean the subject matter becomes less sad, and something that I am able to accept and live with.
Things I shouldn’t have done but did anyway:
Sat still for way too long. I didn’t get up once- a slap on the wrist for me.
Watched tens of video’s of people doing stunts using exercise balls: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uGT-EXhnUYs
before discovering the incredible Tatiana Konoballs who I simply want to be. So I walked to argos to buy three budget fitness balls in order to try to learn her routine only to find they had none in stock… maybe for the best, no broken bones or black eyes for me.
Spent a lot of time looking at yellow tracksuits on ebay.
Things cosumed: Porridge + granola, Scone w butter and jam, tea, apple, thai green curry salad, tea, meatball-y pasta, tea.
Exercise: I DID A RUN 😮 with goodgym, we ran to Bedminster did some litter picking and ran back. It was fun.
Sleep: 6 hrs of lovely lovely deep sleep.
Aims for Day 3: Do something practical, get exercise balls.