I have sat down to work and I am angry.

I have sat down to work and I am angry.

I am angry that I am going to spend a day working to perform at something where I will not be payed.

I am angry that the ticket price for the event is £60.

I am angry that some people that are part of the day are going to be getting payed and I am not.

I am angry that most of these people will be in woking roles that already give them a salary.

I am angry that I do not have a salary and I will not be payed for performing.

Other people will speak.

I will perform.

This is my art.

I have poured more than three years of my life into this piece.

I have poured literal blood sweat and tears into this piece.

This piece that I will work on to shorten so it fits into the the timeslot you have given me.

I thought maybe working for free for you meant that in someway I was an activist.

That I was bringing something different and important to a cause that I believe in.

That this was my way to bring my voice to this conversation dominated by ‘experts’ and ‘professionals’.

But I am an artist.

Which means I have -£99 to live on this month.

Despite the fact that last week I worked 50 hours over 5 days at minimum wage last week to try and make ends meet.

I am angry because my ‘activism’ my commitment to work with you, a charity who I believe in is costing me around £200 in time, space, and materials.

I am angry because even if I don’t include my time, or my technicians time (and this is ridiculous because of course we should be payed). This is still costing me around £50 in cash.

My cash.

So now I am living on -£145 this month, because I have increased my debt to perform for you.

This month I will be eating the inside of my cupboards.

I’m not sure that this is the way to be an activist.

I’m not sure that this is the way to bring my voice to the debate.

I feel very tired.

 

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